Prostitution is a service profession. It would therefore be logical to compare it to any other service profession. When I worked in a café, I made coffee and served it to customers. Suppose I helped him with a smile, good for them. If I had fun serving it, so much the better for me. But the only work I was supposed to do for pay was making coffee and serving it to customers. As an escort girl, my job is to sell my time, company, and sex to clients. If I sell them with a smile, good for them. If I sell them with pleasure, so much the better for me. But the only job I’m supposed to do for pay is selling my time, company, and sex to clients.
The escort girl who liked it
Prostitution is one of the only professions that is evaluated (at this point, in any case) according to the criterion of “liking it.” If a prostitute from our Escort Agency likes to sell sex, then we tolerate her doing it (but we wonder why, in this case, she would have to be paid). If they don’t like it, they have to quit (because it’s bound to be easy to finish, and money grows on trees). So much so that many customers allow themselves to ask the prostitutes they intend to see if “they like it” because these customers are looking for “a passionate person.” They are looking for “a person who does it for fun,” see “who doesn’t do it for the money,” or even “a person with whom there will be a shared pleasure.”
Let me explain why these requests are entirely disgusting, even if they start (sometimes) from a good intention. I can’t imagine calling a restaurant to reserve a table, but specifying to my interlocutor that I reserve only on condition that the cooks and waiters are passionate. They do not do it for the money; they do it for pleasure, and we have a shared delight in spending this time together in the restaurant.
In addition to being absurd, this request would embarrass the person on the other end of the line. What could she answer? “Ah yes, of course, all our staff love what they do, they are the most passionate cooks and waiters in the history of passion”… Because I can’t imagine answering “So no, in fact, they come only because they are paid, most prefer to do this job rather than another, but if we didn’t pay them, they would stay at home smoking corn in front of Netflix. ”
This is, however, the truth
When a client asks a prostitute if “they like it,” they put the prostitute in a situation where it is impossible to answer “no.” Especially since prostitution is supposed to sell flirtation, seduction, the “sensual,” the “dream moment.” These are our selling points. To ask us if we like it is to force us to answer “yes” (and possibly allow ourselves to use this “yes” as leverage to lower the price).
The escort girl who pretended very well
Prostitution, however, is no exception. Other professions are evaluated according to the criterion of enjoying the practice – I am thinking, particularly of artistic works, which I also know very well. How many musicians, designers, actors, dancers, singers, painters, etc., do not complain of being constantly underpaid? On the pretext, are they supposed to like their activity? And think they admit that sometimes it’s not fun, that we have shitty conditions, that the clients are disappointed, that it requires a lot of personal sacrifices. In that case, we doubt their passion and, paradoxically, their professionalism.
I also recommend this excellent interview with DJ Sprinkles, which explains everything very well. I quote an excerpt:
I do this job purely out of economic necessity because I wouldn’t say I like it less than a desk job or any other horrible way I might make a living with my current skills. And since this capitalist world insists on positively transforming everything, you might think that means “I like mixing more than any other job,” but no, I insist on this distinction: “that’s what I hate the least” (…)
I rarely draw parallels to sex work out of respect and because they’re entirely different industries. Still, I think this usual expectation that a musician feels connected to their audience is as made up as the fantasy of sex workers who would enjoy with their client. Obviously, anything is possible, and some nights are better than others, but generally, it’s just a very controlled form of work. Why do people have such a hard time getting it?
Prostitution is the job I hate the least
We pay someone who does a service job, whatever it is (from waiter to artist to therapist or secretary), to do their job satisfactorily. POINT. Depending on the working conditions, or according to specific cultures, ‘in a satisfactory way’ includes that they seem to like it (I am thinking in particular of the United States and Canada where salespeople are asked to as if they were too happy to see you, and it’s even written into their employment contract), according to other cultures, not at all (as in certain Eastern countries where if the waiters If they’re not in a good mood today, they won’t hesitate to show it, and it’s not considered harmful as long as they’re doing what they’re paid to do, which is to serve).
I fall somewhere in between. I consider being as lovely as possible with a client (or at least not unpleasant or rude) as professionalism in my job as an escort. But don’t push her in the nettles (especially when she’s not wearing panties), and I’m also not going to go “wow, amazing” and fake 14 orgasms while I’m having a wrong time. But that is my view – other sex workers have a different and free thought.
On the other hand, I consider that enjoying spending time with a client is part of my job in no case
Already because it is impossible to love on command and that, even if we generally appreciate selling sex for money, which in my case – and I consider myself lucky – it is not always the case, with all clients without exception, and every second of the appointment. In the same way that is going on stage, an actor, even if they love their job, will never be 100% pleasant, absolutely 100% of the time, and every second spent on stage. There are times or good to choose; they would stay at home eating popcorn while watching Netflix. But overall, it’s the job they hate the least on a daily basis.
Secondly, whether or not I like my job should never be used to measure whether I am doing it well. All that matters is that I do it, and eventually – if I consider it part of my job, or if it’s written in my employment contract – as best I can and look like I can love him. In the same way that an actor is expected to do the job on stage for which they are paid, regardless of whether they want to do it or not that day.
The money that disappears
However, as I said above, many clients seem not to have understood how prostitution works. They want a whore who likes it. I think one of the reasons is that they don’t want to impose an unpleasant moment on someone they have sex with. Another reason is that what excites them is, in fact, the shared pleasure – and they don’t get too hard on the idea of someone forcing themselves with them. Other reasons are more selfish – like flattering their ego, trying to lower the price, or hoping that this prostitute will eventually become a lover. Whatever the reason, they put the sex worker in a bind, forcing them (if they want to make money, which is the goal anyway) to say yes, yes, I love it.
This is super disrespectful – please stop this right now
Then, on a personal and unscientific sample, I noticed that the men for whom this exchange sex-for-money, or company-for-money, or time-for-money was not clear, are often those who have a habit of paying things to the women they date, for the sole reason that they are attracted to them. For them, it is gallantry to pay for the restaurant, the clothes, the outings, even the rent, the car, or any other expense of a woman who sexually attracts them. It is not a cash-for-service exchange.
It’s not even an exchange. It’s like that because men pay for women when they’re real men, period. So, since these women spend time with them, in their company, and sleep with them, they tell themselves that it’s not because they pay them stuff (that’s just basic gallantry). But only because these women like them (which may be accurate, but – I think – never entirely true in this kind of situation).
An economic-sexual relationship
You are in an economic-sexual relationship that does not say its name, and like any contract that is not explicitly exposed as a contract, there is a risk of abuse on one side or the other. (I take this opportunity to say in parenthesis that if you meet a woman who finds it normal to get paid for everything only because she is a woman and attractive, or if you meet a man who finds it customary to pay you everything only because you are a woman and beautiful, run away. The other – either this person considers having all the rights to your money without compensation, or that this person finds having all the rights to your body without compensation, based on emotional blackmail “you would do this if you loved me, and if you don’t want to do it, it’s because you don’t love me).
And so, since they give money to women in their private romantic and sexual life, and these women sleep with them, what is the difference with me, escort, to whom they give money, and who sleeps with them? In their minds, none. So they don’t realize that what I do is a service and that this service is chargeable. For them, they give me money out of gallantry (they tell themselves that they like to pay for pretty women), and if I spend time with them, it’s because I like it – and therefore this n is not a service but only pleasure.
Poof, the economic-sexual relationship is gone
If the money disappears, then for them, the service disappears too, and they don’t understand what effort I am possibly making to spend time with them and make them feel like I think it’s cool. These customers are, moreover, often the ones who insist on having my number, who send me their news and photos of their holidays (note: I have absolutely nothing to give a damn), who insist on knowing my actual first name, or even come to see my artistic work (note: NO WAY gets out of there), and who refer to other escorts they have frequented as their “friends” – clients who, in general, make no distinction between the private and the professional.
Buy sex like you would buy coffee.
So I think the excellent customer, the respectful customer, is the one who buys sex/time/company like you would purchase coffee.
Of course, you have the right to ask if they sell soy milk lattes here. No, you’re not allowed to bitch because we don’t sell it – go somewhere else. Yes, you have the right to find that the latte is still a bit pricey – but no, you have no right to complain or bargain; just go elsewhere. Yes, you have the right not to be satisfied and not to return, for example, because you were guaranteed that we were selling soy milk lattes, but we only serve cow’s milk cappuccinos once there. And next time you’ll go somewhere else.
Of course, you have the right to prefer the cafe where the waiters are too friendly and smiling to the restaurant next door where they are silly – but not to blame them for smug – go to the 1st coffee.
Of course, you have every right to like the impression that the waiters like you personally – just as others don’t care and prefer to go where they find the coffee to be the best. But you don’t have the right to demand it or ask them if they love you or if they’re pretending.